I believe that loneliness became part of our modern life so slowly that we barely noticed it happening. We just kept making things more practical, more optimized, more efficient, and now here we all are, surrounded by convenience while feeling disconnected from each other all the time.

Fifteen years ago, if you needed a ride to the doctor, you'd probably call someone to help you. If you were sick, maybe your mom, your friend, or your neighbor would stop by with your medicine. If you needed groceries, you would go out and interact with people instead of just waiting for the bag to be delivered at your door.

And don't get me wrong, I LOVE technology. I order food, I make online medical appointments and I use GPS to go literally everywhere because my sense of direction is horrible. Most of these technological advances actually make life easier for people, and all of this is great! But I do think we replaced some small moments of connection without even realizing those moments were important, because asking for help used to feel normal and now it feels uncomfortable.

Nowadays, people think twice before asking for the smallest favors; we basically act like needing someone means we "failed adulthood" somehow. When we think about a lonely person, we often picture someone physically alone, but it's more about the gap between the relationships you want and the relationships you feel like you have (1). We have constant access to each other now. Messages, notifications, social media, dating apps, work apps, delivery apps, apps for literally EVERYTHING. But having access and forming a connection is not the same thing. And that doesn't mean that every social media platform is consistently associated with loneliness; platforms like WhatsApp, for example, were actually associated with lower loneliness, while people with passive online behaviour and compulsive technology use were lonelier than average (2). That shows that the bigger issue is HOW we use apps instead of simply having them.

So the actual problem here is that technology led us to believe we could do anything by ourselves, and that's what we call hyperindividualism. And apparently, this way of living comes with a cost. One multinational study found that higher loneliness was associated with more competitive and individualistic values, especially values centered around independence, personal goals, and seeing yourself as separate from others instead of interconnected with them (3).

And to be fair, it’s not like this problem is simply solved by focusing on individuals. We have larger social structures that also shape the way we connect. It's not like millions of people simultaneously became bad at relationships for no reason, actually, our cities became less social, work became more isolated, people stopped trusting each other as much, and neighborhoods changed (4). And if you think about it, feeling emotionally safe in the world probably has a lot to do with knowing people around you. Now we have people constantly rebuilding social circles through apps, coworking spaces, meetups, and online communities, while still struggling to build relationships that actually last (5).

Right now, loneliness is being described as an epidemic, with 1 in 6 people experiencing it (6), and the consequences can be serious, since loneliness has been consistently associated with worse mental and physical health outcomes, including anxiety, depression, cardiovascular disease, and even higher mortality risk (7). Some researchers even compare the health effects of chronic social disconnection to risks like smoking and obesity (8). I believe the most disturbing part of it all is that you can be constantly surrounded by notifications, group chats, content, and still feel like nobody actually knows you in a meaningful way.

I think part of feeling emotionally safe is knowing there are people you can call without feeling guilty. People who would be there for you, whether it’s a small favor or just someone to hang out with, and you'd do the same for them without turning it into some huge transactional relationship. Technology should help us live better, not convince us we no longer need each other.

References: (1) Macro Social Influences on Loneliness in Later Life (2) Social media use, online experiences, and loneliness among young adults: A cohort study (3) Loneliness and vertical and horizontal collectivism and individualism: A multinational study (4) Urbanization, loneliness and mental health model (5) Alone on the road”: Loneliness among digital nomads and the use of social media to foster personal relationships (6) https://www.who.int/teams/social-determinants-of-health/demographic-change-and-healthy-ageing/social-isolation-and-loneliness (7) Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation (8) Risk factors for loneliness: A literature review