6 Tips for Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
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Self-Sabotage
Self-Sabotage or “Getting in your own way” is really about creating obstacles that stop or lengthen the time or pathway of you achieving a goal. For example…perhaps you don’t put yourself forward for a promotion because you think your pairs will be jealous and not like you anymore.
Why do we self-sabotage then?
Basically it has a lot to do with your beliefs; if your beliefs are distorted enough they can lead you down quite a destructive path that affects many aspects of your life, both professional and personal.
Those negative beliefs are typically centered on low self-esteem, and often can be traced back to childhood.
You may experience feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing, and even self-hatred, those deep seated thoughts or feelings that can turn into negative or self-sabotaging behaviors.
However some self-sabotaging behaviors are minor and can be sorted out fairly quickly for instance “negative procrastination” , below are a few tips to help you recognize self-sabotaging behaviors you may have and some techniques to overcome them.
Spot self-sabotaging behaviors
Missing Personal Goals
- Write down goals you have set and not yet achieved
- Try to find common elements between the goals you haven’t achieved yet
- Mind map words or phrases you believe have stopped you from reaching your goals
Repeatedly missing work deadlines
- Write down reasons you believe that happened eg. Don’t care about the work, hate the boss, it’s too hard, keep getting things wrong.
- Try to find things in common
- Again do a quick mind map of words or phrases that you think stops you from meeting those deadlines.
- Remember self-sabotage often comes from having low self-esteem; feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and even anger or spite are common.
Negative self-talk
- Write down all your negative self-talk thoughts, keep a note pad and jot down thoughts as they come to you. Eg. Boss didn’t ask how I was today – what did I do? Why doesn’t he like me anymore? I am going to get fired because I’m no good at my job….
- Write it all down no matter even if it seems silly or irrelevant
- For each phrase try to get a better understanding of why you had that thought, where does that belief stem from?
Self-Awareness
Being able to identify the negative thoughts and emotions that trigger or set off the self-sabotaging behaviors will allow you the opportunity to change things before they get out of hand.
Positive Self-Talk
Although positive self-talk on its own will not get rid of the self-sabotaging behaviors it can make you feel better even for a short term.
- Create a daily mantra
- Write several positive affirmation statements
- Look for reasons to pay someone a complement
- Be kind, forgiving, and loving to yourself
Remember self-sabotaging is really about you standing in your own way of your dreams and goals. Only once you have identified the self-sabotaging behaviors can you move pass them.
Plan for Success
- At this point you have identified your self-limiting behaviors – congratulations!
- Ask yourself “how can I achieve my goal and feel good about myself too?”
- Create positive and encouraging feelings through self-talk
- Look at ways to achieve your goal
- Can you break bigger goals into smaller ones
- Acknowledge and celebrate your successes
Rinse and Repeat
- Keep a note book
- Write down any negative self-talk
- Identify and understand why
- Move past it
You can find a way out of your self-sabotaging ways, it just may take a little time and practice. Think about how amazing your life will be living self-sabotage free.
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