How to Successfully Deal with Rejection

Experiencing Rejection

We have all experienced rejection throughout our lives, that’s not a light bulb moment to you I’m sure. However what is interesting is that researchers have discovered certain parts of the brain light up when we experience rejection the same way when physically hurt. So how to successfully deal with rejection?

This explains why we feel hurt ‘emotionally’ when faced with rejection.

Rejection Triggers

It is surprising how many things trigger this rejection feeling. It’s almost like the majority of people go from one rejection to another, from childhood and throughout adulthood.

Rejection is often referred to as feelings surrounding, sadness, loss, shame, or when they are excluded from a group or situation. You are excluded from a team, turned down for a promotion, left off an invitation list, had a relationship breakup, or hurled with racial or physical insults. The list goes on and on and on!

A number of studies show that we have a kind of built in survival kit and one of the tools is the ‘rejection meter’. We are hard wired with the need to belong as ‘way back when’ numbers often meant safety and survival.

Not all rejection is the same. We are more likely to have stronger rejection feelings when involving relationships where social contact is desired eg. Personal relationships, teams, groups etc., than we are to getting a rejection letter from a job application.

Types of Rejection

• Familial rejection – typically from a parent or other family member where abuse has occurred, withholding love or affection
• Relationship rejection – most common around secrecy, withholding intimacy, or ending of the relationship
• Social rejection – often experienced by children and adolescents where bullying, exclusion, or workplace alienation etc. is experienced. Can lead to social anxiety

Tips to deal with rejection

Acknowledge Emotions

Don’t run or hide from your emotions, instead ask yourself what’s happening?, how are you feeling?, why are you feeling that way?

It’s Normal

Understand and accept that feelings of rejection are experienced by everyone from time to time

Kind-heartedness

Be kind and loving to yourself when faced with rejection, use positive self-affirmation statements or mantras

Keep Perspective

Try not to generalize your rejection ie., just because you got turned down for a job doesn’t mean you are unemployable

Keep Learning

Seek out a lesson from each rejection. “What can I learn from this?” “How can I better myself from this?” – understand that being rejected doesn’t always have to be a bad or negative thing it can also be a good teacher.

Everyone experiences rejection throughout their lives. The innate need to belong is built in. The trick is understanding how to successfully deal with rejection in a healthy non destructive way that’s they key.