21 Tips for Coping with Social Anxiety

May 1, 2021

There are literally hundreds of ways we can experience social anxiety and many ways we attempt coping with social anxiety however, some approaches may work for you whereas others won’t.

Often those who suffer with social anxiety find it impacts many areas of their lives. Whether it means making friends difficult, having healthy friendships or relationships, finding romantic partners, finding work, or struggling to even making it through seemingly simple daily life.

And because we are all unique it may take different approaches for each situation to ease or overcome social anxiety. What works well for you may not work for another, and one day something may work for you and the next might not.

You are not alone

Social anxiety is one of the most common out of the anxiety disorders and affects about 12% of the population at any one time.

Be kind to yourself and accept that nobody is perfect and that you don’t need to be either. Accept that sometimes our anxiety fears do come true and at times we get embarrassed, also not everyone will like us – these things are all normal.

Realise that you may need help forming strategies in the event your social anxiety fears come true.

Seek support

Working through anxiety is a process and can take time. It is at times debilitating and without the right kind of support and guidance it can have a massive negative impact on your life and those around you.

There are a number of support groups, online and offline – these are great and more often than not you will find you are not the only one suffering with same types of things.

Therapy – there have been excellent results with treatments like talk therapies including CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy).

Trusted friends – feeling safe and unjudged and being able to have a chat can really help ease your anxiety.

Recognising your social anxiety

If you can identify what sets you off you can better prepare yourself for those situations. Sometimes it will seem like your anxiety comes out of the blue, however unless you are experiencing a panic attack, with a little reflection or help you can often pin-point your anxiety triggers.

Learning what your hot buttons or triggers are can help you manage your anxiety. Anxiety triggers are often bought on by negative or upsetting ideas, also negative self-talking, and negative mental images. The trick is often to test those thoughts against real life evidence and apply constructive or positive alternatives.

Plan for your social anxiety

If you have been suffering with social anxiety for some time you will likely have developed some coping skills, some will likely be helpful however other will reinforce negative beliefs.

I would encourage you to jot them down along with the situations you use them in. You could go a step further and rank each coping skill against each situation. You may find some of your coping skills work across multiple situations, but have slightly different results.

Setting social anxiety goals

The more self-aware you are the more power you will have going forward. If at all possible try to face your social anxiety head on, however do so gently. The more we can ‘get out of our negative thinking’ and into living in the moment the better.

Depending on the levels of fear you could try setting a number of small
accordingly but manageable mini goals. You might start with situations that make you slightly uncomfortable and work towards more challenging steps as you gain confidence.

Example: If you find you are nervous going to the supermarket,
then manageable steps could include:

Drive to the supermarket carpark then drive home
Drive to the supermarket, park and stay for 5 minutes, then leave
Park and then walk to the door, then return home
Walk in and around, no purchasing, leave and go home
Next time purchase only 1 item.

And so on until you feel more confident. Try spreading the steps over a few days rather than say one step per month.

Plan to say ‘yes’ more often when offered invitations to social events. You could start out small and build up to larger events also, create a roadmap broken into bite sized pieces increasing your exposure levels as you go (exposure experiments).

Common fears for social anxiety

Fearful of not being liked
Fear of being boring
Dreading talking to strangers
Appearing incompetent
Fear of embarrassment
Fear of the spotlight
Forestalling the worst possible scenarios
Fear of public speaking
Being poorly judged

Common symptoms of social anxiety

Shaking hands
Red-faced
Sweating
Urge to go to the restroom
Nauseous feelings
Light-headedness
Muscles aches
Headaches
Racing heart
Dry mouth

Scenario’s that can cause Social Anxiety

Making a phone call
Booking appointments
Ordering meals at a restaurant
Paying the bill at a shop or restaurant
Unannounced visitors
Going on holiday
Flying
Traffic jams
Shopping
Job interviews
Parties
Dating
Presentations
Using public restrooms
Singing in public
Eating in front of people
Eating out

One thing to keep in mind is being able to identify coping skills that maybe hindering you from learning new healthy behaviours this is especially true when doing exposure experiments.